It is 2:46 on Sunday, September 22nd. The day started off very foggy but the cloud bank has moved offshore. My oldest and I went to the driving range in Halfmoon Bay for the first time and found it less hectic than the one that is closing near Colma. We’ve been thinking what sports he might want to do in high school and golf is a game the family can eventually do together and one that I can teach. He’s been to the range about four times now and is ready for the beginner course.
I’m now on the patio enjoying the beginning of fall. The summer adventures in Ohio and Japan are fading into a distant memory which is a little sad but now we have the holiday season to look forward to. As for the beginnings of fall, there isn’t much difference in terms of weather here on the coast and so the return to routine is a better indicator.
I am now 47 years old. As I’ve written about in this blog there are certain times when I realize my thinking, my body and various aspects of my life have all changed. By looking at previous age-related ‘check-ins’ I’m able to realize just how much has changed.
Starting with my thinking I now clearly understand I’m no longer ‘young.’ Throughout my 30s I could still consider myself young but that is no longer possible. Here are a couple of things that have become apparent to me.
Internet
I have lost my enthusiasm for the internet. I feel social media is a plague that is now overrun with advertisements. Looking at Instagram as an example I see nothing but sports, girls that want to dance or show off their bodies, or gamers wanting others to watch them play games, and stupid memes trying to attract as many clicks as possible. The internet was supposed to be a place of learning, of discovery, of connection. But it has turned into a freak show appealing to the basest instincts of humanity.
In the early days of the internet people were afraid to post pictures of their kids or ‘the pedophiles would get them.’ Now parents are posting pictures many times a day all in the hopes of likes. Their daughters are posting sexy dances for the same reason. Looks like the allure of ‘likes’ overrode their fear of attracting the wrong people. The internet has turned into a monetized circus which has bled into real life affecting all aspects and behaviors.
So at 47, I no longer look forward to sitting down at my computer and going on the internet. The motivation has been drained.
As for my body I still do karate and workout. But I realized my age when I went to the basketball courts and played some 1 on 1 with my son. It wasn’t pretty. I was out of breath relatively soon and my body ached the next day. We work out hard in karate but they are in short spurts, not 10 minute games of constant movement. It was shocking to think how out of shape I’ve become and I’m going to do something about it. This means that instead of just working out that is mostly lifting weights, I’ll have to incorporate more basketball games, bike riding and so on.
As for friends, those I worked hard at keeping in touch with from Ohio have now become much more distant. I put a lot of work over the decades of maintaining those connections such as a class Facebook page which I contributed 90% of the content, of writing messages to people and calling them when home. None of this was reciprocated and I’ve run out of steam.
It is only natural that as we get older our families take precedence along with work but I would have thought when younger that I’d at least receive messages from time to time instead of me being the one to always instigate. That never happened and I’ve now lost motivation. Another factor is that many have unfortunately caught the fever that is Trump and as is characteristic of many of his followers becomes their identity. It is difficult to want to get together with such people and still keep politics out of it given the huge disruption Trump plans to do with America such as eliminating democracy and punishing those who do not agree with him. The reasons to detest Trump are seemingly infinite and I’ll write many of them down in a later post.
As for work, I’m in a good spot and at 47 realized that the goal of ‘climbing the latter’ is not what it is cracked up to be. I’ve realized that in doing so the corporation takes over your life and sucks you in the higher you go. I no longer wish to go much higher than I already am. Furthermore, it is more difficult to change jobs at those higher levels since any openings are very limited and the competition greater. Similar to men now attaching their identity to Trump, men also attach their identity to their jobs. This is not the case with me. Unless I were to run my own business work is simply a way to earn money until I can think of a way to become very rich and not work at all. That is the goal, not sacrificing my life to a company in order to be rich and ‘live later.’
As for family, my oldest is entering high school next year. As I mentioned above we needed to start planning for what activities he may want to do. I’ve always felt that sports is a very good activity but unlike the midwestern atmosphere where I grew up I’ve come to understand it isn’t imperative. We’ve accomplished our goal in karate earning black belts but that is an outside of school activity and something that can be done for a lifetime. There is no karate club in high school so we’ve settled on golf as one sport we can prepare for. We’ll have to give it more thought and I only hope he can make a team or at least find an activity he enjoys. Golf doesn’t seem to be too competitive here on the coast like it is in the midwest so I hope he can make the team.
When I was growing up we had baseball and basketball teams in elementary school so I was able to play something. Our elementary schools here don’t have individual teams, there is only the city league and again we’ve concentrated on karate since they were little.
I remain shocked to be 47 which is only three years from 50. It is hard to see parents age although mine seem to be doing just fine and I hope it stays that way for as long as possible.
Again, I cannot stress enough how shocking it is to realize that those I still see as kids are now in their early 20s. They were born well after I had graduated high school and after the year 2000! They do not get cultural references such as Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Animal House, The Breakfast Club, Dazed and Confused, Nirvana, and so on. I feel the music they listen to is complete crap filled with raunchy lyrics and auto-tune. Yes, I’m old(er) and I now understand it.
Entertainers I know are passing away and/or doing very bad things and so I no longer want to listen to their music or watch their movies. They say ‘never meet your heros,’ but I’d say don’t look them up on the internet either! Here are a few examples as well as surprises.
Puff Daddy – He’s in big trouble and will probably never get out of prison
R Kelley – Has been in prison for some time.
Will Smith – He’s a mess thanks to that awful Jada Pink.
Bill Cosby – America’s Dad and my graduation ceremony speaker!
Snoop Dog – Once on trial for murder now does kids shows.
Bing Crosby – Sings some of my favorite Christmas Carols. I never knew he was such an awful human being.
The list goes on and on but that is who I can think of off the top of my head. If we were able to time travel and tell ourselves about this in the 80s or 90s we couldn’t have believed it.
The world has become a strange place where it seems most are getting dumber rather than smarter. It is amazing to see the ripples in society from COVID that have turned people dumb. It was during COVID that people turned against vaccines. It was during COVID where the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES first claimed credit for inventing the vaccine, got special care when he contracted it, then told people not to get the vaccine (that he invented of course) and not wear a mask to help stop the spread. People went stupid during COVID and the grasp of stupidity seems to have a relentless grip.
In my 30s I’d written about how I thought I should become more introspective and limit time on social media. Well, given the stupidity that has occurred thanks to social media it was easy to finally accomplish as the environment changed for the worse.
As for my mindset, I find it more difficult to get motivated to go out and do activities which aren’t routine. I have no desire to go out to concerts and such when invited. I do not desire to workout but rely on the general feeling of unpleasantness in my body if I do not. I have to really work on my body to make progress as it won’t come naturally since I’m not outside doing activities as I did in my youth. If I don’t exercise my body will let me know it very quickly.
So I guess to generalize the state of things it is neutral. I’m not motivated but will still take enough action to keep in shape and give my kids fun activities to do. I still love travel but that only occurs in the summer (this is a big highlight!). I think more about the past than I do about the future. My mind is neither excited about anything nor depressed. The days and weeks pass in a blur and although I’m always sad a weekend is ending, another one will be here in what seems like a day or two.
At 47 I’m extremely grateful for this journal. A majority of my life would be completely forgotten if I had not written everything down. In my 30s I was proud of my memory and that I could remember most things very quickly. Those memories are fading away until I read about them in this journal. People forget the past very quickly. Yes, they remember certain events but they are like old, faded photographs minus the emotion, the mindset, the feelings that came with them.
I’ve come to see humanity as just a gigantic churn of people. I was surprised to realize that in my old business directories such as The American Chamber of Commerce in Japan and various country chambers in Vietnam from 2004 that 85% or those employees in the various businesses are now in different companies, retired or dead. There is a whole new generation of kids in their 20s filling those roles where we have almost nothing in common! My beloved 80s and 90s are now ancient history with the music relegated to the ‘oldies’ stations. This is shocking indeed! I have tried listening to the top songs on the charts but immediately hate them and turn it off after only a few seconds.
They say that midlife is one of the most difficult times and joy goes back up in old age. I’m not sad, but joy needs to be worked for and no longer appears spontaneously.
If I didn’t need to work, then I think joy would greatly increase. I would take Japanese classes at the local community college. I’d spend more time in Spain, France, Vietnam and Ohio. I’d join some clubs although I do not know which ones. I’d learn music and perhaps take some dance classes. But right now, there is limited time between work, karate, working out and doing activities with my kids and taking care of the puppy. Even if I had more time I wouldn’t have the motivation to do more things unless work were eliminated completely.
The cloud bank has now moved inland and it is cold. I’m going to take a shower, put on my virtual reality goggles and visit distant places in the world through the Wander app.
This is my life at 47 years old.
