It is 2:56 PM on Monday, May 22nd 2023. I’m swinging on the back patio trying to appreciate all that comes with the wonderful month of May. The birds are singing, the fog has finally moved offshore and the summer change is almost here. May was always my favorite month as a child because the school year was wrapping up, the Ohio weather consistently pleasant and it also contains my birthday.
I’m soon to be 46 years old and am in shock. The past few years especially have been a blur full of world changing events, mostly negative. There was COVID, the Trump presidency, massive industry changes, work changes and the realization that I’m comfortably over the hill. I often post a “check-in” post in this blog and it seems as though I just wrote the one for 38 years old just yesterday. I hear mention of father’s ages in TV shows and in the cartoons and I’m older than most of them. I feel disconnected from friends as social media turned to poison and evokes disappointment much more than joy now which is a complete turnaround for me when it started out in the late 2000s.
Just when you think you’ve gotten through the worst of it something else changes in the world and it seems like the end times are upon us. Global warming is showing humanity what happens through very real examples when it is ignored. The hottest parts of the planet may be unlivable in just a few decades and as I look out over Linda Mar I wonder how much that ocean is going to rise. On top of all that AI has made its debut and I’m in both awe and fear. Humanity couldn’t even handle social media without going to pieces and I’m afraid AI will eventually smash what is left of society in ways we cannot foresee. Facebook was so much fun when it began, who knew it would be a major factor in the rise of Trump and the storming of our nations capital. That destruction was caused by humans, imagine what catastrophes await when an infinitely intelligent AI decides to cause trouble.
Human beings have had the luxury of being at the top of living beings for so long and although we praise ourselves it seems to me we do little better than muddle along with our wars, pollution, injustice and so on throughout history. Kingdoms and societies rise and fall over the millennia with each triumph ending in some form of destruction or general decay. Soon, we will no longer be the smartest on the planet and it remains to be seen what AI will decide to do.
All very sobering thoughts and combined with the events over the past couple of years the innate joy I used to have eludes me. Exercise helps a lot and I really enjoy being with my family but outside of that I spend my days mostly at home where time has become a blur.
And so I sit here on my swing trying to enjoy the sunshine and birdsong. I try to recapture the incredible joy I used to have simply swinging in the playground of my elementary school. The smell of the freshly cut grass, the excitement of an upcoming playdate or video game, and a time when the future seemed so exciting. Now I sit on my swing alone and a beautiful vista of the Pacific ocean does very little to improve my mood. I think of cracking open a bottle of wine which will certainly improve my spirits but only for a few hours and the following morning I’ll be lethargic.
I am looking forward to summer travel as going back home and to Japan will certainly be wonderful. It has been three years since I’ve been to Japan and much has changed there as well. I hear everyone still wears masks, I’m certain many of my favorite restaurants and diversions have shuttered due to COVID and my family there will no longer be the little kids I knew but teenagers going on adulthood. Time moves too fast and very soon I’ll be writing my check-in at 55. They say that the middle age years are the hardest and I see what they mean. It is something mental that I must get over with the hopes a natural joy will return sometime soon.
