it is 5:04 on Saturday July 21st, 2018.
I have changed. This is the first summer where I have had absolutely no motivation nor desire to go out and do things while my family is in Japan. I do have a new job and that keeps me very busy during the weekdays. At night and on weekends however I prefer to just spend time in my gym, go to karate and watch Game of Thrones.
In the past I would have used this time to go out to restaurants, ride my bike, and drink. But as I’ve aged I’m finding that I’ve completely lost my fondness for wine and alcohol in general. I don’t like feeling foggy the next day nor its effects on the overall aside from one or two hours while actually drinking. So why do it? I much prefer the feeling I get from working out and the effects from that are very beneficial.
As for my mentality I find I’m not excited nor feel serendipitous joy. My mood is even unless I drink alcohol which causes depression. In the past I might feel joy by watching a good movie, listening to music or watching a sunset. That no longer occurs and I would love to have it back.
I feel as though I’m not using this free time to its full potential. Last year I was busy organizing my things, cleaning out the garage, building an office in the shed, going through my old stuff but I haven’t done any of that this year. The major thing I’ve accomplished is re-watching 5 episodes of Game of Thrones and finally made it to season 6 which I haven’t seen.
I know I would feel a bit of regret if I didn’t do at least something I don’t have time for normally so I contacted my old friend Laurel who went to Ohio State, studied in Spain with me and lives in SF to see if she’d like to catch up. She does want to catch up and it will be good to see someone from my past again just to talk about old times.
Perhaps tomorrow I’ll try to make the best of the day by working out then organizing my things again. I have done a lot of gardening and things are looking good outside. Maybe I’ll even get some reading done but all of these things depend on my motivation. I feel lethargic and would like my family back as I do miss them terribly.
